True love and Justin Bieber

Sometimes I like to listen to the Top Songs on Spotify to try and stay relevant with the kids and to find my new jam. And one day, lo and behold, a song came on and I began to sway a bit at my desk, getting excited. Could this be it? Then I looked down.

Oh no. Oh, please no. Its Justin Bieber.

As I reached to change the song, on sheer principle, I stopped myself. I….I, oh double no, really liked this song.

Beyond the fact that I enjoyed the stripped down feeling of the music and vocals, the words themselves really arrested me. Its called “Love Yourself,” and its a song about Justin leaving someone because she thought only about herself in their relationship. She tried to change him into another person, what she thought he should be, and eventually, seeing how everyone around him, and eventually he himself, were so unhappy with her, he ended it. But this song’s message was more than just a “Forget You” type of song, where it calls the other person names and wishes them the absolute worst.

Instead, Justin seems to have realized something important from his time of pain: when we don’t love ourselves, it comes out in how we deal with other people. Someone as broken as this girl actually needs to learn how love herself. She needs to learn that she can’t project her own insecurities on others and demand that they fill that hole in her life, or that others are not just an object to make her feel better about herself, by making them her project and changing them into what she thinks is best.

Having been involved with people like this, I know this to be true: I (and Justin) may have been ready for a relationship, but the other person wasn’t. If they can’t love themselves, then they can’t love you. Signs of not loving themselves can come in many ways: putting the other person and themselves down, trying to change them, constantly seeking the other person as their fulfillment, being very possessive, and the list goes on. It doesn’t mean they are incapable of love, but it means that fundamentally, they haven’t learned to love and find worth in the one person who needs it the most in their lives: themselves. And maybe your role in their life is to be just their friend, until they are ready to start a real relationship, that has respect and real love. Either way, do not try and fill that lacking in their life, because you can’t.

So, crank up the Biebs and let them love themselves.

Sorority videos hit upon true human desires

Let’s take a quick poll. How many people have ever watched, listened to, or done something because they saw someone attractive singing, acting in, or doing that thing? Good, I am not the only slightly shallow person on this earth.

I am not saying that this compulsion is all bad. I mean, the reason why we do a lot of anything is because we feel an attraction, a pull, towards it. It might have nice colors, a pretty face, beautiful scenery, etc, and because of this, we watch that movie or grab that book or go up to that person. Being attractive is also not limited to the physical-people are also attractive in their intelligence and even in their kindness and charity. Attractiveness just means that something calls to you and you want to go to it, you want to be part of it, you want to be near it and even possess it. And if attraction speaks to the whole of something, so we are attracted to someone’s physical makeup, their mind and their soul-then we have won the true Powerball.

But physical attractiveness is a lot easier to ascertain and be swayed by than intelligence or kindness. And in a culture that is literally imbued with physicality, from the constant barrage of sex to the celebrities we follow on Instagram just to look the pictures they post of their faces, it is no surprise that physical attractiveness is the most important, even if we know better.

So, when people post about how outraged they are about sororities posting videos that concentrate on the faces and bodies of their members, I am glad they see that people should be treated as more than just their physical appearance, but are they willing to put their money where there mouth is? Because the continued popularity of such recruitment videos, the way women ad men are portrayed in music videos and in films, speaks volumes on how we, as a society, are still hyper focused on the physical. These sororities, those magazines, those posters of picture perfect playboys, play on selling prettiness and it works. Those sororities know that it is a dream for many girls, even if they don’t admit it, to be one of those desirable young women. Why? Because society says that they will be lauded by millions if they look perfect enough, if physically they meet the standard of whatever passing fad. These people pray upon of our deepest needs: being desirable. And since it is the easiest to exploit, people concentrate on selling physical desirability. Case in point, the Kardashians, who I am unable to find contributing anything to society besides selling their physicality and making it a commodity.

So ‘bravo’ to the sorority video planner for figuring out one of the best ways to make a sorority superficially desirable and to play on our deepest needs as humans.

And also, thank you to everyone who poked holes in the video, aptly stating that people are meant to be more than physical objects. Let’s hope more people being to believe this and that media and culture start to make real changes.

But, since I don’t want my words on the internet to be just that, I am going to unfollow all those random people I follow only because of their nice faces. Yeah I did that, but not anymore.

The (un)common cold

I had won so many battles that I thought perhaps I had won the war.
What a foolish thought that I, a mere mortal, had. That beast of a common cold will always win out eventually. And so, I find myself once again loosing the fight against sniffles, coughs and sympathetic glances.

And because I am stubborn and its a crazy week at work, I am going into the office. That means, I need to be productive while my body just wants to be in bed watching a movie. I had this grand thought that I can at least watch some critically-acclaimed movies while sick, but if I try to wrap my head around some complex plot, I think my sinuses will burst from my head trying to think too much.

So instead, I am trying to ‘just be.’

We live in such a high maintenance world that just ‘being’ is a rather scary idea. Every minute of every day can be filled with something. From the moment we wake up to the radio to the movie playing softly in the background till we fall asleep, our life is completely full. Well, if we choose to believe that is a ‘full’ life.

But when you are sick, your body forces you to lay it all down, including itself.

I realized that me being sick means I can get down to brass tacks and prioritize. I need to eat today. Check. Hydration, yes, good. I need to get some work done. All right, don’t overdo it. Ok, now go home. What needs to be done? Right, laundry and call that person. Done? Perfect. Now, go rest. And maybe coming home will just means collapsing and sleeping. Maybe you didn’t go to work. But being sick strips you down to that bare minimum, which is terribly humbling and vulnerable and super necessary. We are flawed beings. We need help, we need to give ourselves time to rest. We have to allow ourselves time to realize we can’t do everything and to remove what is unnecessary from our lives. And, when we are back to our healthy selves, maybe we should leave aside some of the unnecessary things we were doing and try to live a life full of what really matters, which will differ from each person, but typically looks like a contributing member of the world, at least in some way.

So, despite my body turning against me, at least I have an excuse and a reason to ‘just be’ and to remember what that is like and what is really important.He c

Men aren’t objects either

I am not typcially the type of person who would involve herself with anything Cosmopolitan. But, they have a Snapchat story that I quite enjoy browsing through because of its funny sayings and interesting stories.

But then I come to the sex overload that Cosmopolitan is known for. I have chosen for moral reasons not to have sex before marriage. I don’t expect that a lot of other people are doing the same. But I feel like there can be an agreement, even among those of differing points of view about sex, that Cosmo goes way too far in its sexual objectification of men. For instance,  throughout this 2015 pre-Christmas season, they had little videos of shirtless men saying dirty ‘holiday’ things. They have pictures of men in various stages of undress all the time, to make us ‘feel better’ and to drive out Monday blues.

Cosmo, if women shouldn’t be objectified, then neither should men. If women can be up in arms about people viewing them as objects, so can (and should) men. I am always struck by how there are no women doing similar ‘sexy’ things on the Cosmo snapchat, or even how on Buzzfeed there are lists upon lists of dirty pictures of men and captions that focus solely on his desirable body, but rarely, if ever, do they have the same for women. Women are much more celebrated and praised, for their bodies sometimes, but usually for their achievements and brains, on both of these sites. On the flip side, Playboy recently decided to remove the pictures of the naked women. Granted, woman are still being objectified in this magazine and in many other ways throughout the world, but this constant barrage of the male body, from sources that are not pornographic magazines, but instead mainstream sites and magazines that are used by millions of people, makes me think that we have a double standard that runs miles deep in our society.

Men should not be made into objects, and the blatant casualness of the objectification of men throughout society, and the fact that many people are willing to go up in arms against woman being objectified but not men, saddens me a great deal.

I don’t want anyone objectified.

So, no Cosmo and Buzzfeed, I won’t be taking part of that content. And if you had any respect for men, you wouldn’t allow it either.

For when you can’t and still do…

This is a shout out to all those times you felt sick and still went anyway because you promised someone you would. This is for all the times you swallowed that mean remark and helped someone anyway. This is for the times when you were busy but you reached out your hand. This is for the love you gave when you didn’t feel like they deserved it. This is for letting go and wishing well.

Maybe you didn’t get to see a reward come of these moments. Maybe people passed by with just a thoughtless thank you, or maybe nothing at all. Maybe they were sarcastic and unappreciative. Maybe they still left. Maybe they just went on with their lives.

But the next time you are faced with such a situation, you have stre-e-etched your soul so you are able to do a bit more, to stand a little more. And maybe this time you will see payoff. But, if someone else’s life is made better, you don’t even need to see the payoff. You just need the ability to do well towards others, because whether you see it or not, it makes a difference. In a world that needs it, it makes a good difference.

So, I raise a glass to you and me: I went into work today and felt hella sick but am still putting on a good face. There is a party today and I said I would bring lemonade and ice tea (you know I am making an Arnold Palmer, don’t even mess with me). And I hope to at least bring a smile to someone’s face.

But at least I was here.

Stop flirting with Jesus

Many of us might have heard the words “I have a date night with Jesus tonight.” I myself have used this phrasing to talk about setting aside some special time to pray. But, I have a bone to pick with this saying and the mindset that might accompany it..

Now, to begin, special time for special people, I think its very important. BUT, dating someone is very different from committing to someone. When you first start dating, you aren’t sure about where your relationship with the other person is going to go, what your future together is going to look like. You are a bit starry-eyed and don’t make the most prudent decisions. The first part of falling in love is all emotion and, by necessity, not a real commitment.

And this is where my dislike for ‘dates with Jesus’ comes in. God deserves more than uncertain dates and fleeting hormones. He deserves lasting love, just like you desire. Serious couples date to strengthen their relationship and to take time to appreciate each other more. They do not go on dates to replace a real relationship and the commitment to support each other in everyday struggles. And that is what I fear: that people will JUST go on dates with Jesus, that they will contain Him there in that hour or two, instead of allowing Him to enter into the whole of their lives. The God of the universe cannot be contained in an hour once or twice month, when our entire lives are about a soul constantly reaching and touching Infinite Love. He wants to pervade every part of our life. When you try and put a limit on God, you are only limiting yourself. You are limiting the heights to which you can reach, the people you can help, the journeys you could take. You are limiting the peace, love, joy, and graces that could fill your soul when you have a relationship with God. Honestly, i can’t even begin to enumerate what amazing things will happen when you really let God in.

Don’t just date Jesus. Go on dates with Him, but don’t just date. Have a full and real relationship with Him.

Because the only sport I play is binge-watching…

I think most of us in this world of Netflix have been guilty of binge-watching at one point or another. For instance, one night of my senior year of college, I decided to start the show Scandal and breeze through part of the first season as I stayed up all night trying to write a paper and prepare for an oral exam the next day. I vividly remember most of the details of that night: the weird combo of the mint Starbucks drink I was drinking to stay up and the meatloaf I ate to keep the late night munchies at bay, the strange subject of the Italian figure of D’Annunzio I was writing about and his house/museum in Italy that I was both fascinated and repulsed by, the theology I tried to cram into my head before the oral exam (the exam itself was kind of fuzzy because of the whole ’no sleep’ thing) and the beginning plot of Scandal, which I haven’t watched since that inglorious night.

Binge-watching is a sport, a guilty pleasure, something that becomes a bragging right. We brag about our Netflix exploits like we are a teenager who just got their first kiss before all your other friends. If you have made it this far, you must have read the above paragraph and noticed that hint of bragging, because I pulled off good grades in those classes despite my idiocy the night before. And that’s only because I have had years of theology before that exam and I already had a good grade in the other class. My all-nighter didn’t help anything.

So why am I bragging then? Its not an amazing feat. I just sat there for hours doing nothing but stare at a screen-maybe I tried multitasking but it wasn’t that successful. Maybe I learned something, maybe I felt a little inspired, but on the whole after binge-watching I personally feel….frustrated, a little sad, disillusioned. My life isn’t the exciting life on the screen, it isn’t full of adventure and romance. My everyday becomes even more everyday and mundane after a binge watch. Its harder to get back into reality and appreciate the life I have been given. Instead of writing that blog post or talk, praying, helping my friend or family, finishing that project, exercising, doing something that will impact my life or others for the better, I often decide that my life really needs just ‘one more episode.’ (It doesn’t help that Netflix will just play an episode if you don’t react fast enough-because homegirl is pretty lazy let me be honest)

But, I don’t need that ‘one more episode.’ I am issuing myself this challenge and I challenge you to do the same: don’t binge watch anymore. A couple episodes is fine if you need to rewind or are catching up with a friend, but don’t go overboard. Don’t put yourself or others after a show. Realize how beautiful the world you live in is when you aren’t living vicariously through a screen.

Because I am back in….red (lipstick)

Took a little hiatus because I got sick and began questioning my entire life and where I was going with it. Twenties-life crisis-fun times. Well, anyway, be prepared for a new format (nice huh?) and some great new posts. Hopefully great. I have had a lot of time to think while being sick and having my crisis. And I am back, slowly getting healthier in body and healthier in mind and spirit.

Seize the day and make it your best yet. And then do it again tomorrow

-Kathryn

Because Mondays need goals, tea, and inspiration….

Here are 10 things to do instead of wasting your Monday complaining/moping/all around not enjoying your life……

1. Write that thing, dance that thing, sing that thing, draw that thing, or do that thing you have been meaning to do. Now, go do it. Quit putting it off.
2. Make your favorite dish but don’t eat it alone-invite some friends to share it with you. Or at least invite them over this week and buy the ingredients and begin prep. Prep is like 75% of the fun in my opinion.
3. Read your favorite (comic) book from your childhood-in fact, let nostalgia take flight and listen to that Raffi song (Raffi-anyone? I grew up on this stuff. Classic) Really, whatever was the soundtrack of your childhood should be blaring in your eardrums today
4. Don’t say that mean thing. Don’t even think it. Toss it out. Nope. No. I am looking at you. Don’t do it. No, its not going to help. Promise.
5. Watch an inspirational video. I stand by these forever and always. I get a good cry and I feel inspired. People can be so great…a lot of the times. The thought is there. The execution may be lacking, but they still desire it. Watch someone get it right then go do it yourself.
6. Take a walk. I can’t emphasize it enough: outside air is essential. You can’t live on recycled air. Breathe in what the good trees give you.
7. You know that one person you have been thinking about, wondering if things are going ok, etc? Yeah, contact them. They need it. Even if they just need to know someone is thinking of them, they need it.
8. Make a wishlist. I have an ongoing one on my phone of things that I really want. It has everything from a US soccer jersey to matte nail polish to a Kid President poster. You don’t have to go buy anything but knowing what you want buy if you save up gives you a goal to work toward.
9. Clean something. I cannot even begin to express my love for cleaning as a way of relaxing and being productive. The cleaning doesn’t have to be laborious-it can be cleaning out your hard-drive, cleaning out your phone, cleaning out those useless thoughts in our head even. And if cleaning the dishes is one of your faves like me (yes, I will come do your dishes) then do it.
10. Last of all, try and make wherever you are a joyful place. Know that doldrums don’t last forever. A little cup of tea at work, a smile to a fellow student, a compliment, a renewed desire to do well can go a long way in making a day better. Mind over matter, my friend.

So, have a great Monday. You can do it. I believe in you.

P.S. Praying is also very advisable-ok, over and out.

Because Marilyn Monroe wasn’t happy with just sex

I recently watched a Marilyn Monroe movie called Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and was struck by how much I enjoyed Marilyn Monroe’s acting. She was believable in the part she played, an average-wage entertainer looking to marry rich. She loves diamonds and believes money is the panacea for all ills. But despite being one-minded when it comes to money, there isn’t a malicious bone in her character Lorelei’s body. There is a strategizing bone and an air-headed bone, right next to the fibula, but she isn’t cruel or conniving. She made her character believable, which is the focal point of what makes a good actor for me. I felt I could have met this type of person, even in this modern age, walking down the street or at a party.

Now, actually meeting Marilyn Monroe herself, not her character, would be a wholly different experience. I would probably feel inadequate, unattractive, and charmless. At least, that is my first inclination. First of all, I am a brunette and her movie just told me that men prefer the lighter-haired of my sex. Not only that, Marilyn Monroe is known as a ‘sex symbol’,’ one of the most recognizable of our modern times. That is someone whose value is found in their sexual  attractiveness and prowess, in their ability to arouse lust and jealousy. In a sense, she is man’s fantasy and woman’s source of jealousy.

And she hated that.

Surprised? Well, I can’t blame her. That life sounds awful. It would be terribly sad to be a ‘sex symbol.’ While reading about Marilyn, I learned of her hard childhood, her rise to fame to become a ‘sex symbol’ in the cinema, and her disastrous life behind the silver screen. No silver lining for poor Miss Monroe. Failed marriages and psychological problems plagued her while her publicized life was glamorous and supposedly sexually fulfilling. She was quoted as saying ‘[b]eing a sex symbol is a terrible burden to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt, and bewildered.’ It’s not a life of happiness to have lust and never love. It’s not a life of happiness to be merely a symbol of someone’s inner desires, an object for others to yearn for and be jealous of.

More than being a ‘sex symbol,’ Marilyn herself desired to be a real actress, but rarely felt that her acting was taken seriously. She took acting classes and tried to rid herself of that ‘dumb pretty blond’ image. She desired her craft to be respected and appreciated, not just her body. Yet, even to this day she is remembered as the woman with her skirt flying up in the air, a thing to gawk at, not to cherish.

Now, I am not condoning many of the life choices Miss Monroe made, career or otherwise. She certainly had a hand in creating and propagating her sex appeal. But, in her own words: ‘[a]career is wonderful but you can’t curl up with it at night.’ A career of selling yourself can’t make you happy, it can’t make you fulfilled. Selling yourself won’t get you that love you desire. Posting that inappropriate picture won’t draw in deep relationships. Concentrating on sex, drugs, and rock and roll won’t help your talents or true self to be recognized and respected. We all desire respect and love. Learn from Marilyn: you don’t get either by selling your body or yourself short.

(All quotes and background information, which would be in footnotes if my computer worked with me today, are from ‘Marilyn Monroe Biography,’ In bio. http://www.biography.com/people/marilyn-monroe-9412123#famed-career)